Why women are better

  • Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.
  • Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies (you get the point).
  • Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
  • If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected.
  • If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
  • If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
  • If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're not the devil.
  • If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
  • If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
  • If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling.
  • It does not enhance our social standing to understand the inner workings of a 'ruck'(or any other rugby thing). But we look INCREDIBLY cool if we do.
  • It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy.
  • It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
  • Men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
  • New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
  • No fashion faux pas we make could rival The Speedo.
  • Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.
  • Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in ours.
  • Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
  • Taxis stop for us.
  • The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts... and pool.....and football.
  • There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
  • WE never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
  • We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.
  • We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
  • We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass.
  • We can cry and get out of speeding fines.
  • We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
  • We can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts.
  • We can get rid of leg hair without pretending that we do a lot of cycling/swimming, or any other sport that would require aerodynamic legs.
  • We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
  • We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
  • We can never be blamed if it's wet on the floor around the toilet bowl.
  • We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
  • We can sleep our way to the top.
  • We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
  • We can use cosmetics should we wake up looking like something the cat dragged in.
  • We can wear and carry weapons in plain sight: long nails and spike heels.
  • We can wear platforms - which is why there is no such thing as a "short woman's complex."
  • We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
  • We don't have to get our strength up between sessions... ...and it's much easier for us to get laid in the first place.
  • We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
  • We don't look like a frog in a blender when we dance.
  • We get drunk quicker and cheaper.
  • We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
  • We got off the Titanic first.
  • We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.
  • We have no desire to arrange our possessions in alphabetical order. Ever!
  • We have the ability to dress ourselves.
  • We have total control over our eyebrows.
  • We know that Tetris is the computer game to end all games.
  • We know that games are fun, but don't believe there's a direct correlation between the size of our scores and the size of our genitals.
  • We know the truth about whether size matters.
  • We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
  • We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers......
  • We never ejaculate prematurely.
  • We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
  • We never recognise ourselves in aspects of Mr Bean. Ever.
  • We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
  • We'll never regret piercing our ears.
  • We're NOT men.
  • We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
  • When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's sad.
  • Women at least know who their children are without having a genetics test.
  • Women have separate devices for peeing and for having babies ... showing that we are much more advanced.